The Department of Everything

I often summarize my time spent in the evangelical church as a good talk spoiled, some because I love referencing Mark Twain whenever I can find a way and some because unpacking that period of my life isn’t all that interesting to me anymore. C.S. Lewis once said that the opposite of love isn’t hatred, it’s indifference, and while I feel a lot of affection for that particular snow globe I have just grown tired of turning it over and watching the same simplistic reproductions snuggle up beneath the same manufactured snow. I used to think I had to come to terms with everything, as if my personal history and experience were an unbalanced equation I existed to resolve. Now I just feel more grateful for the peace and quiet of my apartment and its occupants, and more aware that the fabric of reality does not require any of my stitching or repair.

This week, though, one of my dear friends wrote a reflection on his own spiritual history which I found particularly powerful and refreshingly unsnarky. For a great deal of my life, I’ve enjoyed carnivalizing my more painful memories and pinning them against the back plywood wall of my private and always-sarcastic shooting gallery. There was no limit to the number of shots I allowed myself to take, but the cost was always, and is always, my own current joy. A few years ago, a different friend told me a life-shifting sentence that I could either have my healing or I could have my story but not both (her words, not my own summary), and I was reminded of that while reading Robert’s article. In his piece, the story and the letting go feel like one motion, sort of a masterstroke of moving on, and afterwards I felt like it was a wonderful template for how to let go of something we’ve made sacred, regardless of whether it was religious or not.

It was also published in one of my favorite Substacks, The Department of Everything, named after what I assume is the only government agency I would ever be interested in joining. It does a number of things well, but its main squeeze is thoughtful longform on semi-current stuff and it has helped me learn more about everything from F1 racing to why Silicon Valley Bank collapsed like it had been on a hunger strike but forgot to make a fuss about it.

Anyway, I’m grateful that Robert wrote this piece and if the post-religious topic is even vaguely interesting to you I think it’s worth a read. If it’s not, then congratulations on winning a very specific sort of lottery and I hope all of you have a wonderful weekend.